-get real
-tell the truth–lots of it
-make lots of promises and keep every one
-dare to take a risk and talk about difficult issues
-speak to your emotions and those of others (EQ)

I love your points and I agree with them all… except for your assertion that your observations negate my own points. I agree that trust can emerge quickly for certain kinds of vulnerability given certain cues, especially professional ones. Trust in bosses is usually not so quick, especially for grown-ups. But it can be. Different styles and contexts and forms of trust.

Likewise, trust can certainly be resilient at times. A friend of mine once presented research at Academy of Management about how when you trust another party deeply, you tend to ignore evidence of untrustworthy behavior until it is absolutely unavoidable, at which point trust is shattered. I sat in her scholarly conference presentation and wanted to cry, as I knew she was talking about her philandering husband. on the other hand, some couples recognize the breaches and forgive them… Sometimes trust endures violations. More often, it seems, not. I have had an experience or two of trust vanishing based on a violation that might not have even been intentional. I have also had the experience of forgiveness. While I agree it can be resiliant in longstanding relationships, it is very often fragile, and I would tend to consider it as more often fragile in the workplace than not.

In sum, I agree with your observations of how trust can function; I simply assert that it is most often slow to build and quick to fall. There are exceptions, and it is useful to consider them, but I stand by the generalization.

And “trust me” should raise a yellow flag for anyone. it only works if you already do.

It is a myth that trust takes time.

(Actually we should be clear here and say trustworthiness takes time; the ability to trust is not what’s being spoken of here)

The only kind of trust(worthiness) that takes time to create is a sense of reliability or dependability. Now that’s very important, but it’s hardly the only kind of trust there is. In my own work, I’ve also identified three other important sources of trustworthiness: credibility, intimacy, and low self-orientation. None of those three necessarily takes time.

We trust a doctor instantly when we see a white coat, degree on the wall and a stethoscope. That’s credibility. Ditto for the Good HouseKeeping Seal of Approval, the testimonial of a friend, etc. Doesn’t take time at all.

With regard to intimacy, a sense that the other person understands us and is sensitive to the nuances of things that matter to us, why that can be created with strangers online. And people who are really great at listening create it in a few minutes of really focused paying attention. It doesn’t necessarily take time.

Finally, low self-orientation is the sense that the Other is in it not for themselves, but for us. And that also doesn’t necessarily take time to determine.

The act of trusting is something that is quite non-rational, often done from the deeper recesses of the brain. It does not require the passage of time to be bestowed.

So when I hear this metaphor of a bank account, I have to challenge it. It’s just a wrong metaphor.

The other half of the metaphor, which you didn’t mention, is that ‘trust can be destroyed in an instant.’ Well, that’s not so clear either.

How long did it take to destroy trust in Bernie Madoff? Answer: about a decade. And it wasn’t from really smart people trying. The reason is, the level of trust that people had in him was so deep.

The real driver of trust being built and destroyed has far more to do with the quality of trust, and not so much to do with the passage of time itself. To come round to your example, if you had asked me instead of Kouzes, I would have said things like:
-get real
-tell the truth–lots of it
-make lots of promises and keep every one
-dare to take a risk and talk about difficult issues
-speak to your emotions and those of others (EQ)

Do those things, and you don’t have to utter that horrible phrase “trust me,” which I’ve always felt much akin to “humility is my best quality.”

For what it’s worth…

Charles H. Green
Trusted Advisor Associates