An Infuriating Insight
I was recently able to join one of my role models and senior advisors, Jim Kouzes, as a participant in his teleseminar about leading through tough times. It is a very relevant topic nowadays, and one I have been considering as the theme for my next book.
There was an opportunity to email questions in advance, so I availed myself. I sent Jim the hairiest, most difficult question that was on my mind that day. It is the kind of student I have always been. Jim knew immediately when the question was read who had sent it: Who else would ask so obnoxious a question? But who better to send my obnoxious question to, if I wanted a good answer to it? Here is the email I sent:
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I have heard a CEO describe how he was able to ask for and get more performance out of his 50-odd employees, and so his company grew and prospered despite the economic downturn. He said he was able to accomplish this change precisely because of the “bank account” of credibility and goodwill that he had established over many years. What can a leader do if they do not have such a preexisting bank account?
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Was that an obnoxious question or what? I sent the question in advance, but Jim did not hear it until we were live on the conference with hundreds of people listening. He is very good.
His answer infuriated me. I had hoped to learn of some magic bullet that would allow a leader with a low bank account to somehow capture the integrity dividend. But magic bullets are the stuff of fantasy, and not hard reality. No magic bullet was forthcoming.
After thinking, Jim said simply, “Don’t overspend.” Treat it like you would a real bank account, at a bank that is managed properly. Live within your means. If you pay your bills on time, your credit rating slowly increases. As that happens, you get more flexibility. But first you have to live within your means. Don’t overspend.
What? That is not an answer. I was mad. I was nettled. I was confused.
After a few more minutes, I was awed by the simple brilliance of Jim’s answer.
There are no magic bullets. Trust is earned over time, or it is not. The current economic times mean that leaders need to ask their people to make sacrifices. And the legal and tactical environments are such that a leader cannot fully disclose the reasons for actions – and so must sometimes fall back on the entreaty to “trust me.” “Trust me” only works when they already do.
The CEO I had spoken with navigated the hard times by drawing on his healthy bank account. If you don’t have one to draw on: start building it.
So that is the answer. Simple. Elegant. Infuriating. Difficult to practice. But spot on.
“Don’t overspend.”
I dunno, Tony. I agree with a lot of what you say, certainly about credibility. But I have to part ways with you and Kouzes on this one.
It is a myth that trust takes time.
(Actually we should be clear here and say trustworthiness takes time; the ability to trust is not what’s being spoken of here)
The only kind of trust(worthiness) that takes time to create is a sense of reliability or dependability. Now that’s very important, but it’s hardly the only kind of trust there is. In my own work, I’ve also identified three other important sources of trustworthiness: credibility, intimacy, and low self-orientation. None of those three necessarily takes time.
We trust a doctor instantly when we see a white coat, degree on the wall and a stethoscope. That’s credibility. Ditto for the Good HouseKeeping Seal of Approval, the testimonial of a friend, etc. Doesn’t take time at all.
With regard to intimacy, a sense that the other person understands us and is sensitive to the nuances of things that matter to us, why that can be created with strangers online. And people who are really great at listening create it in a few minutes of really focused paying attention. It doesn’t necessarily take time.
Finally, low self-orientation is the sense that the Other is in it not for themselves, but for us. And that also doesn’t necessarily take time to determine.
The act of trusting is something that is quite non-rational, often done from the deeper recesses of the brain. It does not require the passage of time to be bestowed.
So when I hear this metaphor of a bank account, I have to challenge it. It’s just a wrong metaphor.
The other half of the metaphor, which you didn’t mention, is that ‘trust can be destroyed in an instant.’ Well, that’s not so clear either.
How long did it take to destroy trust in Bernie Madoff? Answer: about a decade. And it wasn’t from really smart people trying. The reason is, the level of trust that people had in him was so deep.
The real driver of trust being built and destroyed has far more to do with the quality of trust, and not so much to do with the passage of time itself. To come round to your example, if you had asked me instead of Kouzes, I would have said things like:
-get real
-tell the truth–lots of it
-make lots of promises and keep every one
-dare to take a risk and talk about difficult issues
-speak to your emotions and those of others (EQ)
Do those things, and you don’t have to utter that horrible phrase “trust me,” which I’ve always felt much akin to “humility is my best quality.”
For what it’s worth…
Charles H. Green
Trusted Advisor Associates
Charles–
I love your points and I agree with them all… except for your assertion that your observations negate my own points. I agree that trust can emerge quickly for certain kinds of vulnerability given certain cues, especially professional ones. Trust in bosses is usually not so quick, especially for grown-ups. But it can be. Different styles and contexts and forms of trust.
Likewise, trust can certainly be resilient at times. A friend of mine once presented research at Academy of Management about how when you trust another party deeply, you tend to ignore evidence of untrustworthy behavior until it is absolutely unavoidable, at which point trust is shattered. I sat in her scholarly conference presentation and wanted to cry, as I knew she was talking about her philandering husband. on the other hand, some couples recognize the breaches and forgive them… Sometimes trust endures violations. More often, it seems, not. I have had an experience or two of trust vanishing based on a violation that might not have even been intentional. I have also had the experience of forgiveness. While I agree it can be resiliant in longstanding relationships, it is very often fragile, and I would tend to consider it as more often fragile in the workplace than not.
In sum, I agree with your observations of how trust can function; I simply assert that it is most often slow to build and quick to fall. There are exceptions, and it is useful to consider them, but I stand by the generalization.
And “trust me” should raise a yellow flag for anyone. it only works if you already do.
Regarding the bank account analogy: you point out that trust can at times be instant, and can at other times be durable. I agree. it is just that the bank account analogy still holds some usefulness as an heuristic device. instant trust is a useful thing for salesmen to consider. Leaders who build relationships over extended periods of time benefit from considering the bank account. If my boss who I have known for years and decided I do not trust him so much, if he shows up with new credentials or a lab coat or something… i still won’t trust him of course. he does not have access to the “instant trust” tools anymore.
pps — i love your recommendations:
-get real
-tell the truth–lots of it
-make lots of promises and keep every one
-dare to take a risk and talk about difficult issues
-speak to your emotions and those of others (EQ)